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I was reading an article earlier today about how there are things kids say now that they never would have gotten away with 20 years ago. It started me thinking about my own parenting limits with my boys (14 and 2). I’m not the most conventional mom, but I’m not the most liberal mother either; I’m a nice even middle, I think. But still – there are things that were ingrained into me when I was growing up that I am just unable to let go of with my own kids. And I think those things are important. Granted, my ways are not other mothers’ ways.
5 Things I Refuse to Accept from My Kids
1. “Whatever”
My teen son started (trying) to say this earlier this year. The first few times I let it slide with only a stern look sent in his direction because I could tell he was testing the parental waters and was still, at least half way, kidding. Then he started using a bit more conviction with the word and trying to pass it off as an acceptable response when I told him why he could or couldn’t do something. “Yeah…whatever.” Whatever, my butt! We came to an understanding very quickly after that.
To me there is no such thing as ‘whatever’ when you’re dealing with a teen – adult conversation. There is yes or no or even why – but there is no ‘whatever’.
2. Saying “Shut up”
This one has never been okay in our house. I don’t say it either. If I need one of the boys to be quiet, even if I have to say it in a forceful manner because I’m being ignored when I ask nicely, I still use the word “Hush”. Shut up has a stronger connotation of ‘I don’t want to hear what you are saying’ so it’s hurtful if I use it toward my kids and it’s extremely disrespectful said by a child to an adult.
3. Saying “Stupid”
My son has never said this toward myself or his father and definitely never to his two year old brother. I’m listing this word because I refuse to allow him to say it even about himself. I don’t use it even in a joking manner like “Stop acting stupid” when he’s goofing off. I say ‘silly’ and treat ‘stupid’ like any other bad word.
My children listen to everything I say and I want to make sure that everything heard is something supportive and not defeating. I teach them to refer to themselves with just as much respect.
4. Not Picking Up Behind Themselves
Of course the two year old is not quite at this level yet, but I still ask him to ‘help’ me when I pick up his toys. Even if his interest only lasts through two blocks, a bear and one puzzle piece – I’m still teaching him to be responsible for his own mess. My teen, on the other hand, isn’t as easy. He gets a bowl of cereal; there’s milk on the counter and an open box on the table. He gets ready for school in the morning; there’s a puddle on half the bathroom floor and his ‘toiletries’ are left spread over the sink counter. It’s not easy to make him rewind and go back to clean everything he left out, spilled or on the floor NEXT to the garbage can because he stood on the other side of the kitchen and tossed it. But, I do it. His dad does it. And we aren’t going to stop until he learns to do it without being told….or he moves out.
5. Not Completing Homework
Our teen is an honor student. That’s not because he’s a born genius (even though he’s quite smart and very sharp). Intelligence only takes a child so far unless they do the work that goes with it. As he got older he thought that bringing home an A on a quiz relieved him of any responsibility for the homework assignment he missed two days ago in the same class. His 6th grade year he learned a very valuable lesson in work vs grades and almost failed because he didn’t get his assignments done. Since then he still doesn’t *like* that we require a list of his homework assignments every day after school, but he does understand *why* we require it. He has a few friends that are being told by their parents that grades don’t matter if you don’t want to go to college. But here’s the thing: even if you never go to college and get a 9 – 5 job right out of high school…. you still have to remember to do your work and do it on time. We are inspiring him to go to college because he does have the mind for it – but even more important than the grades to get in is the work ethic to be able to stay there.
What requirements do you have in your home that you absolutely won’t budge on? How do your kids react? How do other parents react?
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