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Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.
Most people probably clicked this just because the headline made them angry. Yet, I’ve come across blog after blog where a parent proclaims that their child is (or might be) gay simply because of their toy and clothing choices. It’s the same as saying “If your boy likes pink, he must be gay“…..yet readers pour appreciation and love on them as if they did something special.
Why are some parents so quick to decide their child’s gender orientation based on such superficial things? Actually, let’s rewind: Why are some parents deciding their child’s gender orientation at all? We may take care of them, but who are we to decide who they are? And then many parent bloggers take it upon themselves to announce that decision to the entire world on their child’s behalf. Why do they think they have that right?
All arguments aside – this is NOT about the concept of homosexuality itself. Nor is it about age of determination, origin of preference, etc. This also has nothing to do with supporting your child and the preferences or personality they choose. And if you fill the comments with off the wall accusations about homophobia or other incorrect conclusions then you just serve to further my argument about assumptions.
This is about parents making that decision for their child and then publicizing it.
And what do these parents base this on? Colors, toys, tv shows, cooking, dolls and other things that all children enjoy. To read some of these blogs you would think the parent is hoping for them to be gay. As if positive reinforcement of specifically female characteristics while ignoring ‘male’ characteristics is the only way to be a good mom. That’s not good – that’s molding your child into what you think they should be based on ideals that you, yourself, admit are incorrect assumptions made by society! How many times have these same parents said “There should not be girl stuff and boy stuff. It should all just be kid stuff.” Yet… ‘girl stuff’ is exactly how they are determining their child’s sexuality. Why aren’t they following their own advice and seeing it just as a child playing with children’s things?
News Flash: straight boys/men ALSO like things that sparkle. They like to cook. They wear pink and they get manicures and watch home decor shows. They also want to be daddies and play with dolls or want to make Daddy’s hair look cool with a brush and gel. On the flip side, many gay men like trucks, dark colors, hate interior design and wouldn’t wear women’s clothing.
So who’s being stereotypical now?
I really don’t care if this sounds a little harsh. These are children’s lives we’re talking about. Just because you raise a person does not mean you get to determine who they will be.
And just because your god-like decision happens to be based in liberal acceptance doesn’t make it right because it’s not your choice to make in the first place.
If you child is gay – he or she will let you know when they are ready to let you know. In the meantime – just love them. Is that so hard? Why play this bizarre prediction game? And that’s what it is: a game. Look! Jimmy picked up the doll instead of the action figure! Hey, Susie decided to buy boots instead of pink sneakers! Like a mental scorecard – these parents keep track and compare notes. How does that work? If you get four marks on the ‘boy’ side and seven marks on the ‘girl’ side then your child must be gay?
Example: Our two year old loves this fairy commercial that comes on tv. He stops whatever he’s doing and dances to it. I don’t blame him. They are bright and pretty and the music on the commercial is very catchy. It never once effected my thoughts on his sexuality; that would be illogical and feeding right into society’s definition of ‘normal’.
People agree that you can not force a child to be gay. I agree as well. So leave it alone, for goodness sake. Support what they do simply because it’s what they do and not because you are trying to be the spokesperson for Bloggers Who Rock at Raising Gender Neutral Children. Some even make their entire blog about how they perceive their child’s gender choices. Seriously? Throwing a giant spotlight on the fact that your son just asked to buy a princess doll only serves to make it seem UNnatural. Think about that for a minute. You turned ‘support’ into a PR campaign.
What if Bobby just likes things that sparkle because they are fun to look at?
What if Susie just likes trucks because you can carry rocks in them?
What if your son wants to wear lip gloss just because it feels funny and tastes good?
Why does that make them gay? Why are you deciding what that means instead of letting them decide?
It seems like more and more parents are looking for signs – signals – and ways to thump their chest and say, “Do you see that? My child IS alternative and I’m COOL with it!” Yay. Good for you. Can you be cool with it without labeling them? Can you be cool with it and not shove them into a role that may or may not be correct and in line with their own choices?
If your child announces they are gay when they reach the age where they decide to do so – Be supportive. Love your baby and never look back. In the meantime…. just let them be children.
I purposely haven’t called out any bloggers on this article because that’s not my place. My goal isn’t to personally attack anyone and I don’t have a gender neutral child. Both of my boys have always been the typical rough & tumble, trucks and cowboys type children. And you know what? That’s okay too – because I let them decide.
