By Kenda - December, 26th 2011

Recently a friend’s child was ill with a 48 hour bug. She was distraught over the decision of whether she should go in to work and let her husband (who would be home already) tend to their child, or stay home herself. Sound familiar? A lot of moms deal with the same question. Unfortunately, outdated clichés often determine the outcome.

Men can tend to sick children, too.

Staying home with the kids has been hammered into our heads since the dawn of time. Daddy goes to work. Mommy stays home on sick duty. It’s what good moms do. People will tell you over and over ‘If you’re a good mom your kids come first’. While that sentiment is completely true, why does that mean ONLY mommy can fill that position? Are dads only good for making money and fixing a flat tire?

Maybe my husband is atypical. Maybe I’m lucky and got one of the rare ones. But, he is always ready to jump right in when one of our children is ill. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bumped head or the flu; he’s there. And, most importantly, he’s just as good at it as I am. I’ve seen him get up six times in one night just because our two year old had a cold. I’ve seen him instinctively select just the right foods when someone had an upset tummy. He knows how to measure medicine, take a temperature and when to call the doctor.

He can handle it.

So why do women automatically lay the guilt trip on a mom because Daddy stayed home instead? A woman who allows her husband to take over for a day or two is called out for putting her work first, as if she’s left her children out on the porch for wolves to tend.  What a bunch of baloney. Dads get a really unfair judgement on this. Granted there are some men who either don’t want to handle a sick child or, honestly, don’t know how. But they aren’t ALL dads. I’d wager to say they aren’t even the majority. So the rest of the men who know how to help and are completely willing are basically told in no uncertain terms, “You can’t handle this without me.”  Imagine if the roles were reversed and a husband was telling his wife to just stay home because she wasn’t as equipped to have a job as he was? Cue the outrage. Yet, women are making the same level of judgement about their children’s fathers every day. And those that do understand that dads have a good bedside manner are made to feel as if they aren’t putting their children first; as if a mom is the only suitable caregiver just because a child has a fever.

To say men aren’t nurturing by nature is rapidly becoming outdated with the male species adapting to new roles just as women have.  Oddly enough, many of us are nurtured by our men every day in our marriages; emotionally and physically. I dare say a grown woman’s needs are far more complex than that of a four year old with the flu. Yet we feel they can handle one and not the other; require them to instinctively know what to do even. If you’re thinking, “Well he doesn’t nurture me either!” then that’s a completely different issue and deciding who should stay home for a sick day isn’t your biggest problem.

Children also need to know that Daddy wants to take care of them as much as mommy does. It’s important for a child to feel a balance of love and protection in the home; that includes when they have the sniffles. Many women will say that it’s apparent their children want them and them alone when they don’t feel well. To that I’d say, “Have they been given any other choice?” I know the first two years of both my sons’ lives I instantly ran to them when they were sick, not really giving anyone else a chance to take on that role. I created the limits of their security. If you condition your children to think only you can make them feel better, then that’s what their reality will be. In homes where the father has stayed home or is a single parent, their children think only Daddy can make them feel better. Perception is powerful medicine.

I constantly hear women say that men should take a bigger role in parenting when it comes to issues like this. So why do so many continue to override any opportunity for them to do it? Give them a chance. They may just surprise you.