Mommy Wars Stop Here. Your Children. Your Rules.

By Kenda - May, 16th 2012

Everyone is blaming TIME for stirring the Mommy Wars pot, but the truth is — it was already boiling over.

Of course you’ve seen all the ruckus about TIME magazine’s “Are You Mom Enough” cover and how it’s feeding the “Mommy Wars”. Many people have a reason they dislike it, be it the concept of advanced breastfeeding or the phrasing of the challenge. You can’t surf blogs right now without another opinion on the topic. Though I didn’t blog directly about it, I was still one of them. The specific problem I had with the cover doesn’t matter because I’m starting to lean toward the third group of parents – the ones who just don’t give a #$! either way. It’s not my breast or my kid on the cover so why should I care? I shouldn’t. Frankly, it’s none of my business.

Over the past few years innovation in parenting methods has opened a flood gate of condemnation and judgement. Instead of allowing parents more room to breathe it’s caused many people to take on the role of parenting regulator and Sgt. of the so-called Mommy Wars. Everything causes people to become ‘soldiers’ – from what brand of juice you buy to how you buckle your child’s car seat either makes you a Super Parent or someone who needs a stern talking to (or worse). It’s absolutely ridiculous.  Even though I made the decision to no longer argue with a parent over their choices, I’ve certainly still made my “WTF face” over certain topics so I’m just as guilty. It’s still judgement – even if you never say it out loud. But, for me, it stops now.

As parents we should make our own decisions because we’re the ones who are responsible for our children. Not some professional because they wrote a book or some blogger because they have more Twitter followers than God.

You can’t visit Facebook or a parenting network without seeing mom pitted against mom about the methods of people they’ve never met. Of course I’m not speaking of things that are abusive or illegal. We all have a responsibility to report when a child is hurt or abused. But, I’ve even seen discussions about whether or not you should tell a stranger that their child isn’t sitting in a shopping cart properly …wait…are you serious? Guess what? They aren’t your kids and it’s not your place to say something.

When did the job of parenting start including children that aren’t ours?

People scream about personal privacy. It’s a hot topic in political and domestic circles alike. Parents don’t want the government telling them how to raise their kids, yet they do it themselves by berating other parents on a daily basis. Don’t dare say you circumcise or you’ll have 30 comments accusing you of mutilating your child. Didn’t breast feed? You are selfish. I’ve even watched a mother torn down over the simple fact that she didn’t water down her toddler’s apple juice. Apple juice, people.

There are definitely hot pots that seem to exist only for this purpose – a few which are large parenting networks that I now will not visit because of it. But even those supporting diversity among parents are shot down at times – another bloody casualty of the Mommy Wars. I’ve come to the sobering realization that:  The choices other mothers and fathers make have NO effect on my own family and I have no right to extend my views on their beliefs. Not on networks, not on Twitter and not even here. From now on I will do my best to avoid these overblown arguments and concentrate on things that join parents – not divide them.

I don’t care if you’re a helicopter mom, a green mom, organic, no spanking, breast fed until they were six, visit McDonald’s on report card day, CIO…whatever. Are your children happy? Are they mentally and physically healthy? Then you’re doing a good job. I choose to say no to the Mommy Wars. Your children. Your rules. And you are welcome here.