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My neighborhood is so normal. It’s like right out of a magazine or television show normal. Granted, we live on a dead end in that neighborhood — but you’d think it would take more than the lack of a through street to stump someone who’s job revolves around finding an address.
You’d be wrong.
Apparently even the most seasoned pros can’t find my invisible house.
Just recently we switched internet providers so we had to schedule an installation. I waited and waited. Finally, at half past the scheduled time, I noticed an unmarked white truck driving back and forth in front of the house. I went out onto the deck and watched him pass three more times; talking on his phone loud enough that I could hear him.
He couldn’t “find” our house.
Our house is a rather large two-story cabin style with a garage and wide driveway and there are only three other houses in sight. What part of this confused him? I rolled my eyes and began the (very familiar) task of drawing his attention by waving my arms and walking farther out on the deck. There’s no way I’m going to the end of the drive when only an idiot would miss a woman jumping around in a white housecoat on the front porch.
He still passed by twice more before looking my way.
Ah! He broke through the magical shroud of transparency!
“There you are. Couldn’t find ya.”
“Yes…you win. Next time you hide and I’ll seek.”
He didn’t get it.
He claims he tried to call me to get better directions. My phone never rang. Besides…what better directions could I have provided? Look left? After wasting several minutes trying to convince a man who can’t see a 3,400 sq ft structure that he did not, in fact, call my phone – he didn’t even do the installation.
“It’s too dark now. They scheduled this too late”, he started back to his truck.
“Actually, they scheduled it 45 minutes ago, but it took me a while to break the invisibility spell. That’s the last time I use a wizard I find on Craigslist.”
He didn’t get that one either.
I keep telling my husband that we need some kind of marker to draw attention so I can stop doing the ‘hey you’ dance to get my Amazon shipments.
“We need something that announces our house.”
“Like what? A carnival barker?”
“I dunno…some custom address plaques, a flower pot…maybe a dancing clown. ”
“Yeah…but how do we mark the house so that the clown can find us?”
My husband is so sexy when he’s logical.
ROFL I can see you jumping up and down to get his attention.
And PS, I thought your jokes were quite clever!