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Photo: Chance Agrella
Right now, my four year old’s favorite words are “I Hate You”. You hear parents lament this phase all the time. They are hurt. They are shocked. I’m just annoyed.
His vocabulary is advanced and he’s very adept at expressing exactly what he’s mad about. So, when he resorts to something cliche like “I Hate You” I know there’s something else at play. I’m 99% sure he’s heard it at school, but identifying the source doesn’t stop the behavior. I decided to research the topic and maybe find out how to distract him from the phrase and get him moving on to something else.
What I found was a lot of explanation about deeper emotion and how to react kindly, be understanding etc. I’m always open to trying new parenting methods so I decided to experiment with some of the professional phrase suggestions I found online. The results were hilarious even if not effective.
Him: “I wanted more granola. There isn’t enough granola on my yogurt. I HATE YOU!”
Me: “…you must be really hurting.”
Him: “….what are you talkin’ about?”
Me: “Hurting. You must be upset about something. What is it?”
Him: “…I already told you. I want more granola.”
Me: “I’m here for you, when you feel ready.”
Him: (making a weird face) “….we’re getting ready? Are we going in the car? Can I wear my boots?”
Me: “I think you want space, so I will go now. I’m happy to listen to you whenever you want to talk.”
Him: (exasperated, dramatic sigh) “I don’t want to go to space. I…want….GRANOLA.”
I give up and go back to our usual interaction style.
Me: “Yeah…no. You’ve got enough.”
Him: “I HATE YOU”
Me: Okay. Have fun with that.
Two minutes later he’s eating the yogurt (with the insufficient granola) and playing a game.
Kids have emotions, but sometimes a child is just being… a child. Now I need to find out which classmate gave him this idea and threaten them with earth worms and gum in their hair.
I’m kidding.
Kind of.
